Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How's work?
Spinning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
