Jerry, you need to find god
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
