Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
