somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
