So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.