Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".

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(818): The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp". http://tfl.nu/1x9v

Replies (17) Good night (3120) Bad night (1066)
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(818): View more from California

I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.

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(818): I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand. http://tfl.nu/hyhy

Replies (9) Good night (845) Bad night (2429)
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(214): View more from Texas

I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work

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(214): I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work http://tfl.nu/fhj1

Replies (47) Good night (829) Bad night (3508)
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(253): View more from Washington

I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.

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(253): I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy. http://tfl.nu/efip

Replies (12) Good night (1073) Bad night (3227)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping

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(978): everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping http://tfl.nu/lm3k

Replies (12) Good night (4205) Bad night (1008)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.

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(248): Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll. http://tfl.nu/4l0s

Replies (14) Good night (5391) Bad night (799)
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(516): View more from New York

i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

(631): View more from New York

i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

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(516): i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second (631): i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead http://tfl.nu/vulg

Replies (28) Good night (3852) Bad night (950)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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(252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed

Replies (56) Good night (2166) Bad night (9820)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

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(662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr

Replies (31) Good night (8113) Bad night (1732)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Fear?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

FEAR.

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(617): Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear. (781): Fear? (617): FEAR. http://tfl.nu/5mzi

Replies (5) Good night (2944) Bad night (949)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.

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(989): Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it. http://tfl.nu/2dh1

Replies (2) Good night (1952) Bad night (643)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl

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(610): she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl http://tfl.nu/lpki

Replies (63) Good night (928) Bad night (12439)
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(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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(239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2

Replies (5) Good night (2339) Bad night (764)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.

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(860): Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's. http://tfl.nu/hm4e

Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (260)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex

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(+44): Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex http://tfl.nu/fkis

Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (334)

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