is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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