Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
