i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
