the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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