When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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