Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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