Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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