Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
