Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
