We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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