how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
