dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
