well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
