My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
