After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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