and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
