woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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