had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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