I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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