she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
