My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He? As in you personified your dick?
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