There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
high people should be assigned attendants
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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