yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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