dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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