Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
