so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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