Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
