Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
