At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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