**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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