wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
