the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
