My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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