Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
