So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
