I heard we made out
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
