So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
