Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
