Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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