idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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