He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
