honey bunches of taint.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
