I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
