He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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