I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
