Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
