His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
