Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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