we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want to fling myself into the sun
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
