'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
