I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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