He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
