my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
