i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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