So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
