i permit you to call me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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