You're my little dorito
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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