I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
