i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
