I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
