things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
