break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
