but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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