dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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