If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
