then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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