i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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