Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
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omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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