The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
