im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
