addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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