I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
