Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
