I have demons in me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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